Am I the only one stuck and confused?

So I finally got a job I sooooo desparately needed (funds were pretty much nonexistant.) It’s not the career starter that I really wanted but beggars can’t be choosers. Now I would LOVE to share my new experiences at my new job, but that deserves it’s own post. Today as I stood here bored out of my mind because this place hardly ever gets customers, it hit me that I am NO WHERE CLOSE to where I thought I would be in my life. I’m better than most, but WAY behind in the ballgame…

For starters, I am 25 still working in RETAIL!!! Why you ask? Because it’s easy to get a job in retail and I needed one. The pay is very lousy, the hours are horrible, and at the end of the day you hate humanity a little bit more. In addition to all the horrors of working in retail, I have a manager that is just so (insert every negactive thing you can say about someone). I can honestly say she is the WORST manager I have ever worked for. Now I’m thankful I even have a job in the first place, but I think it’s time I upgraded.

I still live at home with my parents. Now this is not so bad, but there are drawbacks. I’m glad I don’t have to go through the hardship of paying rent because at this moment I can barely afford to pay my phone bill and transport to and from work. I’m also gald I don’t have to worry about utility bill for the same previously mentioned reason. I’m glad I live in a place where there’s always food in the fridge, there’s cable to watch, and internet to…well internet. The drawback…there’s not as much privacy as I would like. I guess since it’s not my place, I can’t expect too much of this, but sometimes a girl just wants to cuddle her boyfriend in peace.

I have NO car. If you plan on leaving metro NY area, you need a car. This also works against me when looking for jobs because if I can’t get to it by bus or train, then there’s no point in applying. Now like every northern New Jerseyite (I think I just made up a word),

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Employment why do you elude me…

So the job I went on THREE interviews for decided to go with other people.  I officially realize I suck. You want to know why? They were looking for a group of FIFTEEN people and I couldn’t even get selected.  Of course when I got the phone call because I was devastated, but then I just sucked it up.  It was an awesome company and an awesome position, however long term, it meant nothing to me.  I really want to be a teacher but because of financial reasons, I can’t get the certification.  Hence the job search.  At this point, I actually willing to work anywhere…ANYWHERE!!!!  That’s a dangerous thing you know.  I wondered for the longest what I was suppose to do with my life after I finished school.  Lo and behold, I discovered I wanted to teach.  Except for one step, I’ve pretty much did all the work required for the CE…but that one step is a big one.  I can’t sub because that certification cost money that I don’t have as well…(every damn thing requires money…uugghhh.) During my job search, I found a substitute position in a near by school district and of course I can’t even think about applying to it.  It’s like dangling a carrot in front of a rabbit but pulling it away as soon as it goes reaches the yummy treat.  I’m just going to keep on trying because that’s all I can do.  One day things are going to look up for me.

Unemployed…once again…and stuck in a huge mess…

After working in my personal hell for a little over a year, they have finally found a reason to fire me. Currently I’m number 3 out of 4 people they have fired (they had fired a person a month after the got rid of me).  I’m not complaining as far as no longer being employed there.  I can write several blog entries about my terrible experience working at a lovely bank that no one I know is fond of (you would actually be surprised if you knew).  I had been looking for other employment about 6 months into my stint at said bank, but I had yet to discover what I really wanted to do with myself. 

The plan was finish school (which I did but there’s a slight issue with my degree which I’ll get to), work until I figured out what to do with it (because even though I have no regrets about being an English major, I wish knew going in my destined path this major should put me on), and seek employment in that field.  As I mentioned I finished school and I was doing a little soul searching trying to discover what I was suppose to do with myself.  I constantly asked God for a sign.  I may not be the church going type, but God and I have an understanding.  At first I swore I was meant to be a librarian.  It would’ve been the perfect job for me…quiet…bad children can get kicked out…books GALORE…my kind of job.  But then I learned I needed to get a Masters in Library Science.  I love school and would’ve had no problem with continuing my education BUT my purse stings beg to differ.  Unfortunately I am already in too much debt as it is and plus the job outlook isn’t that great. So this was a no go.

Then I thought I was meant to be a lawyer.  Sometimes I still think maybe I am but then I realize my heart may not be in it.  I mean I know I could do the work and be very successful at it, but what’s the point if I don’t enjoy what I’m doing especially if I got to put in longer hours at the office. And again there was the money issue…

Next move, culinary school.  Now I LOVE to cook and I happen to be very good at what I do.  This was more affordable seeing as there was a community college with a great program that I could pay off as I went along.  However, it was around this time that I noticed my hell hole job was being a little (a lot) nasty with employees in school.  They were part time 20 hr workers (like me), however they wanted to exploit us as much as possible.  They wanted us to work pretty much full time hrs at part time pay (go figure).  I would’ve had to quit since my job search was a total bust at that moment.  So again I had to put another dream on hold…

But low and behold the signs just came rolling in.  Several customers asked my why I was at my place of employment. I would tell them I’m just trying to figure out what to do with myself. One day a customer asked my that question and I gave her my response.  She then brings up teaching.  I, being me, try to give excuses as to why I shouldn’t do that.  All of them were bs and I knew it.  This was a profession I knew I could excel in and probably would enjoy but I didn’t want to follow everyone’s expectation.  So I brushed off her comments…until a few days later the same thing happened.  This guy was a regular and told me all about his career as a teacher.  The more he told me the more I knew my wall was breaking down.  I begun to research, but I put it in the back burner thinking it was nothing.  I always seemed to come back to the idea of being a teacher and I realized that ever since I started college, the signs were there.  I should have always been a teacher.  Then  maybe I wouldn’t have been where I was and currently am.  I also noticed my of our customers were teachers and they really did seem to enjoy there jobs. I wanted to be like them but I didn’t know how to go about it.  That when my favorite regular (and now friend) told me all about the process and boy was it easy.  Of course I would have to pay for the testing, the one pre-service course, and the app fee, but it wasn’t as expensive as say oh LAW SCHOOL!!!  That’s when I started my journey to certification. 

Now as much as I hated my job I needed the money.  You see even though I still live at home (not because I want to because I can’t afford to leave), I pay for everything I need. This includes school (hence the reason why I can’t afford to leave).  My first year my parents paid with a loan that was taken out in my name (so I guess technically I still paid).  Every year after that I took out loans, got whatever financial aid I could, and worked part time to pay for books and stuff like that.  Not to mention transportation (I didn’t drive then so me and public transit were and are still really good friends), clothes, food, and any social activity (i.e. the movies, mall, etc) I wanted to be a part of (which wasn’t often seeing as I’m not a social butterfly).  What does any of this have to do with me being unemployed…well remember when I said I had a slight problem with my degree…

At the time I started school, I went in as undeclared.  Lo0ng story short when I did declare a major, I soon followed it with a minor…in FRENCH.  I took almost all the required classes and though why not.  It was suppose to be slam dunk, but it didn’t work out the right way..Apparently a YEAR later the french minor was in review on my campus meaning the had temporarily took it off the list of available minors.  In addition, they (admission) changed my minor check sheet.  When I first started, I took a placement test.  Now I was being told that test didn’t matter cause I took 3 yrs of french in high school.  So I took 2 classes I didn’t need and there was 2 that they currently didn’t offer.  Now since my school has several other campuses it should be easy to take it there right…..WRONG! The class I needed to finish wasn’t offered at the campus and if it was it wasn’t opened to regular students.  I actually ended up taking the course at a completely different university.  The tuition was a little over a thousand (which compared to my school was super CHEAP) so I jumped at it.  I did the necessary paperwork and I was all set.  My lovely parents told me they would help me pay for the class.  So me being stupid and actually believing them (cause they usually fail me when they say they’ll pay or do something for me), I didn’t bother applying for financial aid.  I took the course, I finished all my classes at my university for my degree, but guess what…NO DEGREE.  I need to pay off the 2nd school so I can get my transcripts.  Then the class can be marked as complete at my school.  Finally I can get my degree.  Since the parents didn’t keep their end of the deal (so not a surprise), I’m left screwed.  This is why I needed to continue working at my crappy job. 

Now since I lost my job, I can no longer afford to make payments on this bill.  I wasn;t making that much despite this being a bank, but they don’t pay as much as other banks.  I could only put down 20 here, 50 there, etc but I was making small strides.  I don;t beg people for anything especially when they same they’re going to help me repeatedly.  I feel like if a person says they’re going to do something, you shouldn’t have to remind them.  Call it a pride issue or whatever.  But now my path of being a teacher iis blocked and I have to find a way around it.  What sucks is I took the test (did very well) and took the cousre.  All that’s left are my transcipts which I can’t get becuase of the aforementioned problem. 

I busted my butt off at that job but they were on a mission to get rid of all of us.  We had head they said they wanted a new staff and they are making quick work to get what they want.  They fired 4 people and FORCED one to quit (after only one month) within 2 months.  When I got fired,I wasn’t on any write ups (which they love to do for fun…everyone in the entire branch would be on a write up for stupid stuff), but they managed to finagle their way into doing it.  Like I said I don’t care if I never see those people (the management again) but I will miss the steady money.  So far I’ve put in apps everywhere but no response.  This happened to me before when I so desparately searched for a job but things were different.  I was laid off and I was still in school.  Even though I’m finshed with school, I have nothing to show for it.  I can’t even expand my job search to include jobs with a degree because…TECHINICALLY I DON’T HAVE ONE!!!..My parents tell me oh just tell them the situaton and you’ll get hired but how much sense does that make when someone else that has their degree is sitting right next to me.  Si my life is on hold once again until I find another job…

Hello world!

Hello Blog World!!! This isn’t my first blog (if you count the ancient Myspace blogs), but it’s my first one that happens to be PUBLIC!! So please give me your love…or your hate…or whatever lol. I promise you this will be very entertaining…and if you have any suggestions, I would love that too.

-Emoflowerchild ^_^